Monday, April 28, 2014

A Healthy Baby :)

A Healthy Baby :)

My Dear Auntie,
You know what a weirdo I am!  Here again is another case where I am afraid you might find me weird, weird, weird!!  You asked if I plan to have the prenatal bunch of tests and I replied, "no".  I am sure that sounded strange.
Being pregnant at 46 is a little out of fashion, that is unless I focused on a career first and waited to have children until later- which many women do these days.
I do not plan to have the recommended invasive, expensive and dangerous barrage of tests because there is not much they can do if they discover a problem.  An ultrasound and blood test would give us any heads up we or the baby would need at delivery if a medical issue was discovered.  I also know that if they do discover something wrong, they will likely counsel us to have an abortion, which, of course, we would not do (reminds me of Nazi Germany- this whole contemporary, neurotic emphasis on perfection).  If they did counsel us for an abortion, things might get very ugly and I am certain some regretful strong and pointed words would come out of my mouth.
From the time I was 35, the medical community (and society) has tried to instill terror into me (not only in me but in others as well) about having more children.  Consider this though, since time immemorial women were having babies into their 40's.  They had babies until their biological clock stopped ticking, until their fertility came to it’s end and God shut the door.  The door opens and it shuts—very big fact of life. There was never a time when we had to artificially determine, "Ok, I am X age, so therefore we should not have any more children".
Anyway, in regards to a healthy baby- you will think me even weirder now—I actually told God that if He wanted to bless us with a baby with Down's (for example), we would be very pleased and blessed.  Children with Down's are such a blessing to everyone.  They are innocent and sweet and walking saints among us.  They teach us to love and to give more freely, joyfully and sacrificially.
If we did have a baby with extraordinary health challenges, of course like anyone, I would be frightened.  I would be frightened that I could not get over my own selfishness enough to really give our child all the love and attention needed.  For this, I would have to pray and ask God who, I know (but have to learn over and over) would give me the necessary Graces.  
The Church teaches that every life is worth living.  God is especially close to the poor and the suffering and what would it matter ultimately if a person suffered due to ill health, lack of beauty, poverty if in the end they won the happiness of eternal life? I do not think they would remember it in eternity with God.  I see people with perfect health, beauty and wealth suffer in ways harder to treat than illness or disfigurement; they suffer from greed, selfishness, lust, depression, boredom, dissatisfaction, etc., etc.  Shoot, I suffer from some of those too at times.
I have a childhood friend who is married and very successful in her career—both she and her husband each earn 6 figures. She told me she does not want to have children because of the way she sees teens behave these days, the turbulent political climate and because of the general lowering of morality so apparent in the media.  I was very sad to hear this and did not have a good way to answer her concerns. In my work teaching about God's thrilling plan for love and marriage (aka moral family planning and NFP), I am always seeking ways to more effectively communicate this plan to couples who have mostly been catechized by the world and hold its values. It's tough because it is a very counter-cultural message- but one that brings true happiness and satisfaction.  I often go to the encyclicals and Church teaching pertaining to marriage and family for help and inspiration: Humanae Vitae (ever read this?  It's really good!), Evangelium Vitae, Familiaris Consortio and Theology of the Body.  I stumbled upon a quote that gave me the answer I needed to encourage my friend in Familiaris Consortio:
            "Scientific and technical progress…not only offers the hope of creating a new and better humanity, but also causes ever greater anxiety regarding the future. Some ask themselves if it is a good thing to be alive or if it would be better never to have been born; they doubt therefore if it is right to bring others into life when perhaps they will curse their existence in a cruel world with unforeseeable terrors.
            But the Church firmly believes that human life, even if weak and suffering is always a splendid gift of God's goodness. Against the pessimism and selfishness which cast a shadow over the world, the Church stands for life: in each human life she sees the splendor of that "Yes," that "Amen," who is Christ Himself.”(84) (emphasis mine)

A very beautiful attitude!!  And also VERY counter-cultural.  Our culture tells us the only lives worth living are those that have health, wealth and beauty and that these hold the keys to happiness.  Of course, it’s not true.  Some of the most miserable people I have known have 'it all'.  I understand that we are all constantly bombarded by this 'culture of death', as Saint JPII put it, and it's eugenic mania and also by the population control freaks who would like us to believe that the solution to the world's ills is found in the elimination of human beings. These erroneous philosophies and ideas continually bombard us.  It’s no wonder we fall prey.  Without the Church we are rather helpless.
I am not making assumptions about your views (which were not out of the ordinary), but rather addressing modern trends I notice, especially because I am the mother of 7.  The comments I receive are interesting- you might imagine- and I find it fun to think up loving one liner comebacks to hopefully induce a change in perspective.  My husband, Ed, also has some good ones- In response to a co worker's sarcastic, "Don't you know what causes that?"  He in good humor has replied, "Yeah, but can I help it if we are good at it!?"
Anyway, I hope this letter sheds some light on my decisions and choices.  And hopefully takes away at least a little of my 'weirdness' :)
Thanks for your love and support and interest.  Muah!!!!!
Happiest of Easters!!!
Your Little Niece

KC Schnitker is the executive director of
Family of the Americas Foundation and a
speaker and instructor of natural family planning
for the Archdiocese of Washington.

Photo of Katrina courtesy of Reece’s Rainbow

Thursday, February 20, 2014

"Why Women Get...Headaches"

“Why Women Get… Headaches
by KC Schnitker  


“I can take it or leave it.”
 In 23 years of marriage I’ve heard many women confide they feel less than enthusiastic in regards to intimacy with their husbands. So much so, that it prompted me to explore why. As an instructor of moral family planning (also known as NFP) and in my continual study to find more effective ways to communicate God’s thrilling plan for love and marriage, I found the common thread that explains this phenomenon of sexual apathy- the use of contraception.

This kind of chronic sexual headache we often hear jokes about has many causes. The number one cause, contraception, is also tragically the least often considered as a source of marital discord, especially sexual problems. It is also the most insidious because we are immersed in a culture that sells and promotes contraceptive behavior as what is right, responsible, and sensible- it has become a no brainer. The message is that our fertility, and therefore, our maternity are unimportant. “Cut it off- no big deal! You will be happy and free and sexy.” But, if we are so happy, free and sexy, why are so many of us depressed and disinterested? Why the headaches?

Separating fertility from the sexual act causes headaches. Fertility is a healthy, normal, essential, fabulous, bodily function. Fertility is not a disease in need of a cure (especially carcinogenic, steroidal, abortifacients like the pill, patch, shot, ring, IUD). Frustrated by this misrepresentation, I asked my ob/gyn, “Where in medicine is an expensive, ongoing, seriously potentially harmful drug given to someone for a perfectly healthy condition?” I was met with SILENCE. Crickets.

Contraception is an assault on the health of women that is perpetrated in the name of “women’s healthcare”. But not only the physical well being of the woman is damaged, but her integrity as a human person. She is created to be in union with God and with her husband fully, spiritually and bodily. Begin the use of contraception and you destroy the possibility for the rich relationship between spouses. You begin headaches.

If you are a supermodel, you won’t like this... 
The following study done at the University of Vienna(1) illustrates the importance of fertility to beauty and attractiveness.

A group of men were shown pictures of supermodels and asked to rate their attractiveness. Then, without their knowledge, a rag soaked in the human fertility pheromones was put into the room and the men were shown pictures of ordinary women. They were then asked to rate the attractiveness of the ordinary women. Well, ya know what? They rated the ordinary women as MORE attractive than the supermodels (Eeeee! I love this study!- sorry, supermodels!!).

Our culture, the media, and society want us to buy the idea that our fertility is not all that important. Just cut it off and no big deal, no effect! But is that really true? Why all the headaches if baby-free sex is so readily available and we are so free to engage our passions? Why is it that 24% of contracepting couples stop having sex at all?(2)

Our fertility is an integral part of who we are. It makes women beautiful, which is far better than sexy. Beautiful continually inspires, sexy temporarily incites.

Women are beautiful.
I love the picture above. It really captures us and it REALLY captures them. Men are just ga-ga about us. To them we almost…glow (I’ve said this many times in my classes and never yet has a man contested it). We even appreciate our own beauty. Just consider all the fashion magazines for women. Are we to believe it is only the clothes we are appreciating? We are fascinating, even to ourselves. It’s not just our face or our bodies, it’s our lovely femininity- women make the world a better place- our compassion, gentleness, intelligence, kindness AND our fertility/maternity are gifts- that life is conceived in OUR bodies and nurtured there for 9 whole months and then that we can nurse and care for that life after birth and beyond is beautiful, valuable and of the utmost importance. 
 The philosopher Alice Von Hildebrand explains,

 “…when a wife conceives a few hours after her husband has embraced her, God creates the child’s soul in her body…In other words, there is a personal "contact" between God and the woman which gives to the female body a note of sacredness.”

That ‘note of sacredness’ and that privileged contact with God make us glowingly b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. 

Beautiful vs. Sexy
I wrote in the previous article “Real Women Don’t like Lust,” that I am just sick to death of sexy; the new, modern, worldly-type, seemingly ultimate, female virtue. In fact, I am so sick of it that it can go… die.

What is sexy anyway? I wrote in Part 2 that when a woman looks sexy, she looks, well, ‘ready for sex’. Is that really what we want to aspire to as women? To walk around looking ready for sex? Do I want my children to see me like that? I certainly don’t want anyone looking like THAT around my husband. Do you? That is just, not… nice! Something about this incessant pressure to be sexy seems to divorce women from maternity. I suspect from a child’s point of view it’s even kind of…scary. Sexy and Mommy don’t mix.

‘Beautiful’ is approachable, kind, safe and seems to naturally allow for the idea of motherhood. Somehow, ‘sexy’ or “she’s hot,” doesn’t. When men can see us as sexy instead of beautiful, and consequently as an object for their self-gratification, it leads to the inevitable headache. The woman ends up feeling used because she’s been reduced to a mere means to an end. It’s not always the man’s fault: it’s the dynamic that the use of contraception facilitates.

I taught a young couple natural family planning (NFP). After hearing Janet Smith’s excellent CD, “Contraception, Why Not?” they wanted to plan their family morally. They had three young children and wanted to space the next child and so used The Ovulation Method of NFP to postpone pregnancy. I spoke with her after two months of using the method. She was totally astonished by her husband’s transformation. ““He is going around throughout the day saying, “You are so beautiful!” And this was during the fertile time when sex was off the table. They had not sterilized the marital act. The procreative aspect was always respected. She no longer felt used. Something happened when they could no longer consider intimacy with each other without fatherhood and motherhood attached. He began to see her differently, treat her differently. He developed a loving protectiveness for her as the always potential mother of their children and truly then began to appreciate the fullness of her beauty. As for her, she gained new insights into his glorious masculinity expressed in his sacrificial willingness to ‘wait’ out of love for her and for the good of their family.  As a result, she began increasingly to desire him. She felt truly cherished and treasured and her headaches…melted away.

Mysterious love… 
When our combined fertility is valued and respected, and the intrinsically procreative meaning of the marital act is kept intact, either through “we are willing to parent should we conceive” OR when desiring to postpone pregnancy, “we are willing to abstain during the fertile time”, then the marital embrace continues to be the physical renewal of the wedding vows; special, magical, meaningful and exciting. Sex is connected to something very powerful – life, and someone very adorable- baby, and Someone very, very important- God. It is full of love and life. It is this love and life that prevents… headaches.

Also published in Defend Life (pg. 13) :

1 Research by biologists Astrid Juette and Professor Karl Grammer from the University of Vienna has found that men's perception of a woman's attractiveness is altered by the chemical signals she sends out. 

2 National Opinion Research Center funded by U.S. Government’s National Science Foundation Social Science Data Program (19,786 women 18 and over) Family of the Americas Foundation

Friday, July 26, 2013

"Defending Life Through MFP- Moral Family Planning"

"Defending Life Through MFP- Moral Family Planning"  
By KC Schnitker 
I am an instructor of NFP- Natural Family Planning, but I'd really like to call it 'MFP'- Moral Family Planning.
'Moral Family Planning' is the use of one of the fertility awareness methods (I teach The Ovulation Method), 'periodic continence', to achieve pregnancy or for a serious reason to postpone pregnancy and it is also just living your married life open to the children God may send- all of these are 'moral' family planning.
I think MFP makes proper priorities clear - not that the #1 element of family planning be 'natural' as it should be 'moral'.   It also highlights that if there is a 'moral family planning' there is also an 'immoral family planning' and it prompts the question, 'What might that be?' 
Pastors sharing information with couples about this topic is an absolute moral and practical imperative these days because as Father McCaffrey of NFP OutReach says, "The battle is nuclear"- at every turn couples are bombarded, pressured, harassed, terrified and guilted to contracept.  If NFP/MFP instruction is not a priority for pastors, couples are pretty much...sitting ducks-practically helpless against the pressure.  With basic knowledge about fertility and his support they can stand against it. 
Because of this nuclear battle, I am constantly calling and visiting area priests to introduce myself and offer classes and inquire as to whether they require a course for engaged couples and if not, I try to encourage them to do so because the use of NFP or MFP truly 'defends life', 'promotes life' and 'brings life' to marriages, the Church and society. 
It defends life because it is not at all contraceptive-most contraceptives- the pill, patch, shot, IUD and ring act as abortifacients.  There are about 10 times more chemical abortions every year than there are surgical abortions. Wherever the contraceptive rate is highest, the surgical abortion rate is the highest.
Combine the surgical and chemical abortion rates and we have a staggering loss of life. 
The contraceptive methods that are not chemical abortifacients- condoms, withdrawal, sterilization, etc. feed the abortion mills. When a couple sterilizes the ultimate act of love they can share through the use of contraception- the couple's fertlilty is cut off, and the idea and natural end/purpose of the marital act, the potential child, is cut off and as a result, life- fertility-conception-pregnancy- babies- children are seen as unwanted- diseases- parasites-too much work - burdens, unwelcome guests in a couples 'pleasure act'.  So life and children are devalued and dehumanized and become a kind of commodity to be disposed of at will.

MFP 'promotes life'.  When couples use moral family planning, the potential child and motherhood/fatherhood are always connected to the ultimate act of love they share- the physical renewal of their wedding vows -a source of actual grace for the couple when the vows are renewed honestly-either because they are willing to parent the child should they conceive during the fertile time (about 100 hours) or if they have serious reasons to postpone pregnancy, they are willing to abstain from the marital embrace (sexual intercourse) because again, fertility, children, motherhood/fatherhood are naturally and potentially a part of that act.  The couple who uses MFP recognizes and respects the unitive/procreative nature of sexuality and so in a very short time this constant connection changes the way the couple sees children. Fears are diminished and they begin to see them through the lens of the ultimate act of love they share and as the 'fruit of their love'.

Finally, the use of MFP 'brings life'.  Couples who use moral family planning tend to have larger families, not because MFP isn't effective to postpone pregnancy (it's 98-99% effective), but because they begin to see them as a blessing, a gift and so become open to new life. Through their practice of self-denial and self-control and willingness to sacrifice out of love for each other and our Lord, they lose their fears of responsibility and even of suffering. 
I recently spoke with a priest who told me that because the parish has a school, he doesn't have time to promote moral family planning. I suggested that if it was not promoted, in 10 years he would not have a school. I could name many parents I have taught whose children attend that parish school. These couples came to me with 2, 3 or 4 children and were 'done', but wanted to postpone or even avoid pregnancy morally. Through the use of MFP and how it changes the way couples see children, they now have 6 or 7, 5 of whom attend that school. MFP, as Blessed JPII said, "facilitates a conversion" and because of that their faith has become a priority so much so that they are willing to make the financial sacrifices to send their children to Catholic school.

I am a big fan of MFP!  It changed my marriage.  After being married 22 years, my husband says his favorite time of day is coming home and kissing me (that's pretty romantic after 22 years!) :). It's not because I am particularly fabulous or because we are particularly fabulous- it's because moral family planning boots lust right out the door and naturally and easily reorients the way the couple sees each other and purifies their intentions, especially sexually.  This is so important, especially for women who after a while when lust is the dominate factor in the marital embrace, as happens with the use of contraception, well, we get... headaches, because "Real Women Don't like Lust" and that just so happens to be the title of Part 2 in this series!

Also published in LifeSiteNews:
and Defend Life (pg. 15):

Photo Credit: "Wedding in the Extraordinary Form 2"
by Jeff Geerling of

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

"Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Drugs For Women...?"

I thought this was a good article.  Women should be informed about these things- we really should!!  It's tragic how couples have been victimized by the pharmaceutical companies and often their own doctors for profit.
I have questions for doctors and OB/GYN's:

Where in medicine do you give someone medication for a perfectly healthy condition?
   I did ask this one to my OB and his answer was.... silence.  Yep.

In regards to prescribing the pill (a group 1, cancer-causing carcinogen) for minor health issues like 'painful periods'- Wouldn't cancer be more painful than any period?

How many teenage boys and young adult men do you prescribe steroids (the bc pill is a steriod) for their 'health' or for rendering them infertile?


Anyway, here's the article:

A Foolish Inconsistency on Contraception
By Susan E. Wills, Esq.
OCTOBER 31, 2012

Here’s a riddle for readers. There are drugs so safe, so effective and so essential to women’s well-being that they are recommended for continual use by all healthy women 15-45 (or thereabouts) for 30 years or more, and that almost every employee health plan will soon have to provide them “for free” under the Preventive Services mandate of the Affordable Care Act.

But these same drugs have twice been determined, by the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (Task Force), to be too dangerous for doctors to prescribe long-term to healthy women above age 45 or so. In middle-aged and older women, they are to be used only for the shortest possible time, at the lowest possible dose.  What could these Jekyll-and-Hyde drugs be?

Okay, it was a trick question. The synthetic hormones estrogen and progestin—used as combined oral contraceptives (COCs) by most fertile women, and in hormone replacement therapy (HRT) by menopausal/post-menopausal women—are onlypromoted as being safe and benign. In reality, whether used in COCs or in HRT, they’re more like the sinister Mr. Hyde.

After reviewing the latest research on the risks and benefits of pills containing estrogen and progestin, the Task Force offered a sobering recommendation: “Do not prescribe combined estrogen and progestin for the prevention of chronic conditions” (emphasis in the original Clinical Summary).

Yet in its 2011 contraceptive mandate, the Institute of Medicine treated fertility like a “chronic condition” that had to be managed with synthetic hormones (to prevent pregnancy) for upwards of thirty years! Now the Task Force concludes that when taken as HRT, these hormones significantly increase the risk of serious adverse events in healthy women, compared to matched controls who received placebos.

The increased risks for women using HRT (compared to matched controls) are 26% for invasive breast cancer, 41% for stroke, 61% for gallbladder disease, 205% for probable dementia, 207% for deep vein thrombosis (DVT) and 213% for pulmonary embolism (PE).

Is there any medical reason for these inconsistent recommendations and warnings? Are younger women immune to the adverse effects simply because of their age? No.

Research has shown that, at any age, whether in COCs or HRT, progestin is associated with increased risk of DVT, PE, heart attacks, strokes and problems of the liver and eyes. The main difference is that it’s easier to measure the onset and progression of these diseases and conditions in older women because they are more prevalent with age.

Could the dramatically increased risks be caused by higher doses of hormones in HRT than in COCs? No. Typical COCs contain far more progestin that HRT pills. Loestrin, for example, has three times more norethindrone acetate than Femhrt and Activela (HRT pills). Yasmin (another COC) contains six times more drospirenone than Angeliq (an HRT pill), and Ortho Tricyclen contains 2.8 times more norgestimate than Prefest (an HRT pill).  Estradiol, the estrogen used in most COCs and in HRT, is associated with increased risk of breast cancer, endometrial cancer and gallbladder disease. Although the amount of estradiol in HRT pills is higher than the amount in in COCs, women “rarely have severe side effects from taking estrogens to replace estrogen,” according to the Mayo Clinic website—unlike premenopausal girls and women who are given synthetic estrogen on top of the estrogen they produce naturally.

Is it too much to ask that the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) be consistent with respect to the two uses of estrogen/progestin? Could they not put the health of young women ahead of the interests of drug manufacturers, Planned Parenthood and those obsessed with divorcing sex from its natural consequences? Women deserve honest answers to these questions. HHS should be warning them about the risks of combined estrogen/progestin in contraceptives, as in HRT, not forcing almost every woman in America to pay for it in her health coverage.

Susan Wills is Assistant Director for Education & Outreach, Secretariat of Pro-Life Activities U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. Go to to learn more about the bishops' pro-life activities.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

"Waiting till the wedding night – getting married the right way"

I found this article on Fox News.  It's really good!-

"Waiting till the wedding night – getting married the right way"
Published September 14, 2012

As anyone who’s read my abstinence column here at Fox News Opinion could guess, my wedding is something that I’ve looked forward to for quite some time. After having tied the knot at the end of August, I can now say beyond all shadow of a doubt, that it was everything I’d hoped and prayed that it would be since childhood. (I’d also prayed to be bitten by a radioactive spider and develop sticky hands, but… I was an idiot.)
Let me preface this column by saying this: my wife (I have to get used to saying that) and I not only waited sexually in every way (no, we didn’t pull the Bill Clinton and technically avoid “sex” sex,) but we didn’t shack up as live-ins and most importantly, we courted each other in a way that was consistent with our publicly professed values.
We did it right.

Our wedding was perfect. Our wedding night was nothing short of amazing. I write this on a plane heading into a tropical paradise with the most beautiful woman to have walked the planet earth.

Feeling judged? I couldn’t care less. You know why? Because my wife and I were judged all throughout our relationship. People laughed, scoffed and poked fun at the young, celibate, naive Christian couple. 
We’d certainly never make it to the wedding without schtupping, and if we did, our “wedding night would be awkward and terrible,” they said. 
Turns out that people couldn’t have been more wrong.  Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.
I think it’s important to write this column not to gloat (though I’ll be glad to), but to speak up for all of the young couples that have also done things the right way. When people do marriage right, they don’t complain so much, and so their voices are silenced by the rabble of promiscuous charlatans, peddling their pathetic world view as “progressive.”
Our wedding was perfect. Our wedding night was nothing short of amazing. I write this on a plane heading into a tropical paradise with the most beautiful woman to have walked the planet earth. I know everybody says that their bride was the “most beautiful in the world.”  They’re wrong. I win.
I’d like to tell you a story of our morning after, however. One that transpired into one of the most glaring epiphanies I’d ever had.
As my wife (again, still not used to that) and I ate breakfast at a local inn, we discussed how excited we were to start the rest of our lives together, how scary it was that everything was now so different. At the same time, we overheard the table next to us discussing their very own wedding from the night prior. What a coincidence!
“The thing is, nothing’s really changed,” the bride said.
Puzzled, my wife asked, “Did you get married last night too? So did we!”
“Congratulations!” the other dame said. “Yeah we did, just last night.”
“Where’s the groom?” my wife innocently… scratch that, naively asked.
“Oh, he’s sleeping. There was no way he was coming out with me this morning!” She paused and smirked. “Let’s just say that he’s got a lingering headache from a really good time last night.”
My heart sank. Firstly, that poor schmuck's “good time” was simply getting snookered. Not enjoying the company of close family and long-lost friends with a clear head and clean conscience, not staring in awe at his beautiful new wife, wanting to soak in every glimmer of her eyes as she shot him heart-racing looks from across the dance floor, not taking all of the cheesy pictures as they cut the cake, not even carrying her across that suite threshold as they nervously anticipated their “nightcap.” He probably won’t remember any of it. Instead, he got smashed. He was “that guy”… at his own freaking wedding.
Then I realized something. Our wedding was truly a once in a lifetime event. It was a God’s-honest celebration of two completely separate lives now becoming one. Physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually, everything that made us who we were individually was becoming what bonded us together. Our family traveled from far and wide to celebrate the decision of two young people to truly commit themselves to each other, and selflessly give themselves to one another in a way that they never had before that very night.
The people next to us that morning? Well, theirs was just one big party.  And the morning after? Just another hangover.
Our “weddings” were the same event in name only. They know it, and we know it.
Do yours the right way.  If you’re young and wondering whether you should wait, whether you should just give in, become a live-in harlot/mimbo and do it the world’s way.  If you’re wondering whether all of the mocking, the ridicule, the incredible difficulty of saving yourself for your spouse is worth it, let me tell you without a doubt that it is. Your wedding can be the most memorable day and night of your life… or just another party.
Oops. Did I just make a “judgment?”  You’re darn right I did.

Steven Crowder is a comedian and Fox News contributor. Follow him on Twitter@scrowder.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

"Real Women Don't Like Lust" (Part 1)

"Real Women Don't Like Lust" (Part 1)
by KC Schnitker

I am compelled to write this series, "Real Women Don't Like Lust", in response to various media (movies, magazines, television and print) continually characterizing women as sex objects and as insatiable wild lusty types while in reality all the emphasis on 'sex' and 'sexy' and 'sex lives' separated from real meaning and purpose is having the exact opposite effect- driving couples further apart and in the long run making women feel kind of pukey about it all. 

I am an instructor of The Ovulation Method of natural family planning (NFP) and I've become so frustrated by these dishonest, inaccurate and harmful portrayals of truly beautiful and life-bearing woman and the obnoxious emphasis on the errant notion of a 'sex life' that I came up with the following to express my thoughts and frustration:

There should be no such thing as a "sex life". 
There is "married life" and within it, the many expressions of love 
which includes the renewal of the wedding vows.

I received the testimony below from a woman I instructed who has experienced that very aversion that happens to women over time in this culture.  She enthusiastically relates what a difference natural family planning- NFP (a.k.a.- the practice of chastity in marriage) has made in the intimate area of their marriage and in her attitude toward the renewal of their wedding vows:  

"NFP.  We were huge advocates of it during the first 17 years of our marriage, when we were happy to welcome more children, and we had no real reason to avoid another pregnancy.  However, in my 40’s, with children aging from teens to toddler, I felt unable to handle another baby.  It was time to practice what we preached.

My husband was NOT happy!  He came into the faith late, and therefore had never had to exercise any sort of discipline in that area; not as a teen, not in single life, and not in married life.  In our culture, from the time boys begin to feel any urges at all, they are encouraged to release them; they are certainly not told they need to conquer them.  We were both born and raised in that culture.

When we first looked at actually practicing NFP, we had mistakenly assumed there would be two week stretches without intimacy and he staunchly refused to consider such a sacrifice.  This led to months of upheaval, as I was panicked every month, and he was sick of my emotional swings.  I was angry with him that he couldn’t contain himself for my sake.  He was mad because I was not…enthusiastically participating in our intimate life.

Finally he said he was going to get a vasectomy.  I was devastated!  Not only for the fact that he would be committing a grave moral evil, but, admittedly, because there would be no reason for me to say ‘no’ to sex, at any time.  I’d done enough reflecting on sexuality that I knew the effects of objectification, and I knew that I would end up feeling used for gratification if there was no reason to abstain. It was during this reflection that I recognized that, in spite of contraception, this divide still exists between men and women in our culture.  It is considered comical, and quite normal, for a woman to feign a headache in order to avoid making love to her husband, as evidenced in TV, movies and magazines.

I put my foot down.  We had to go get some NFP training and, at the very least, give it a good try for a few months.  He avoided the instruction for weeks, but finally agreed to yield an hour.  It had a huge impact on me.  Not so much the science part as the relationship part of it.  I remember the instructor saying that lust can never be satisfied, and that pretty much summed up what I felt was happening, and would continue to happen in our marriage, if we didn’t use NFP.

Reluctantly, my husband agreed to give it a shot.  I won’t bore you with all of the details, but this experience has proven to my husband, more categorically than anything else, that God knows what He’s talking about!  We have had more intimacy, and more enthusiastic intimacy that we had in the first 17 years of our marriage.  He is stunned to see me invite him to union, which was a constant source of strain in our marriage before.  He didn’t feel loved, and neither did I.  The best way I can define it is this: during the stretches of abstinence I see him giving; giving me peace of mind, giving me love in the countless other kindnesses that I know are not just a prelude to sex.  During the safe times, I am so in love with him for his generosity that I desperately want to be near him.  I am thrilled to have that closeness with him, and I want to give him all that I can.  NFP has been a tremendous blessing, in ways that I never imagined, and on a level of depth of heart and soul that I didn’t even know existed between two people. “

It's important to point out that this couple is not being presented here as a model for the perfect attitudes regarding married intimate life or towards children.  The focus is not on the before, which obviously needs some adjustment, but it is on the end result and how their attitudes, feelings and behaviors changed as a result of practicing natural family planning.

Living in this culture I don’t think people think there is another way and it is difficult to admit, “I’m sick of it all!!”  But, there really is another way as evidenced by the above testimony- a way that is much more fulfilling, satisfying and loving.

For a time a woman may participate and engage in the marriage act where lust is predominant, but after a time, especially after infatuation has faded… well… everyone knows what “I have a headache” is referring to AND everyone knows that the one saying it is… THE WOMAN.
Why is it that the woman is the one getting the headaches??
I have some suggestions in to offer in Part 2, “Why Women Get…Headaches”.

Photo Credit: © Can Stock Photo Inc. / 4774344sean

Also published in LifeSiteNews:
And Defend Life:

Monday, August 13, 2012

We Don't Need The Pill!!

It is really frustrating when I think of the millions of women who put their health at risk by using contraceptives like the pill, patch, shots, and IUD.  
Here they are taking these things that are carcinogenic, have a whole host of physical and emotional side effects and they are really only fertile about 100 hours a month and it is extremely easy for women to know when they are in that 100 hour time frame- just like it is easy for women to tell when they are menstruating.  Does anyone need to inform women, ‘Hey ladies, you are having your period?’  Of course not!  We know.  How do we know?  We know it by what we see and feel.  It’s totally obvious.  Well, we also have another period- the period during which we are fertile.   We’ll call it the ‘white period’.  We can know that we are having this period as easily as we can the ‘red period’, we just need to be taught how to recognize it and how to act around it -either to achieve or postpone pregnancy.  It is that simple.

I once talked to a woman who was literally floored to find out she was only fertile about 100 hours a month.  She was outright angry when I explained to her the 'white period'.  She had asked her doctor about a secretion she noticed each month (the ‘white period’) and he asked her, 'Does it look like this..., this... or that...?'  She said, 'No,...No,…and No.'  He replied, 'Well, that's just… normal'.  NORMAL??  He told her nothing about the significance.  He probably didn't even know!  She had been taking oral contraceptives for years and her health was suffering along with her libido.  She was excited to learn about a natural, effective alternative.

OB/GYN's do not know or tell women about this method or the other methods of NFP either because they are ignorant of them, don't get any financial compensation or because they don't really know about how they work or believe they are effective.  There are no high-salaried NFP reps going around to their offices to make presentations over a drug company catered lunch.  Nor are the doctors receiving kick-backs, bonuses or profits from prescribing NFP the way they could when they prescribe a drug1 like the birth control pill.  

A Catholic friend of mine who uses NFP recently went to her OB/GYN post- baby.  They asked her what kind of contraception she planned on using and she informed him that she was Catholic and so did not use contraception and that it was against the teachings of her Church.  She also told him that she planned to use NFP.  He spent the next 30 minutes pressuring her to take the pill even after what she had said.  
I am curious about why he would care if she decided not to take the pill and to use NFP?  What could his motivation possibly be??  Profit?  Perhaps.

When she brought up that the pill and shots are carcinogens (rated class one by the WHO) AND that they are abortifacients- he flat out denied it.

In regards to the abortifacient properties of the pill- here is an excerpt from about Ortho-Tri-Cyclen (one kind of pill):

“Ethinyl estradiol and norgestimate is a combination drug that contains female hormones that prevent ovulation (the release of an egg from an ovary). This medication also causes changes in your cervical mucus and uterine lining, making it harder for sperm to reach the uterus and harder for a fertilized egg to attach to the uterus.”

The abortifacient action of the pill is not hidden and can be easily found by looking up whatever pill brand online.  Some sites like actually make a joke out of it (reviewing Desogen brand):

“Taking the contraceptive pill, Desogen, will also thin the lining of the uterus and alter the mucous at the neck of the cervix. If, by chance ovulation does happen then a little sperm inside a woman who is on a course of Desogen is going find it extremely difficult to make contact with her uterus. In the unlikely event of a tough little swimmer (sperm) managing to fertilize an egg, he’s going to have a big shock when that little fertilized egg tries to bed down into the wall of a ‘not so comfortable’ uterus (due to the thinning of the lining that Desogen causes).
This is why Desogen is one of the most effective birth control pills.”

When the pill first came out, it was strong enough to prevent ovulation most of the time, however, women died.  So they had to lower the dose.  When they lowered the dose, break-through ovulation occurred so then conception could occur.  That’s why the pill works now in three ways: tries to inhibit ovulation, thickens cervical mucus and thins the lining of the uterus.  The pill’s action, now, is not only to attempt to prevent ovulation, it also prevents the life of a baby from continued development by making it difficult to implant or to survive long if the baby does implant, thus it’s abortifacient action:

“The FDA’s detailed patient labeling for oral contraceptives (sic) says,
"progestin-only contraceptives (sic) are known to alter the cervical mucus, exert a progestinal (sic) effect on the endometrium, interfering with implantation, and, in some patients, suppress ovulation."2
Very conservative estimates state that the Pill kills pre-born children between 2 and 10% of the time.3 However, many medications and other external factors increase the abortion-causing nature of the Pill.4 Also, since 1988, the amount of the contraceptive component of the Pill was lowered, which allows the abortion-causing component to come into play more often. It is estimated that some forms of the Pill of today cause abortions up to 50% of the time.5 Emory University’s Contraceptive Technology published that the "mini-pills" allow ovulation to take place 40 to 60% of the time.

It is estimated that there are far more chemical abortions than surgical abortions.  It’s awful that women are not being informed about these things or if they are told that these effects are marginalized!!! 
It is also disturbing because there are natural methods like The Ovulation Method which is 99% effective, simple and easy to learn and very inexpensive.  The pill costs $30-$50 a month while NFP is a one time investment of about $100- that’s it and the woman has it for life.

It is REALLY easy to know when you are fertile.  The Ovulation Method is the most simple and effective method of natural family planning there is.  It is used in over 100 countries in the world and it can be learned by anyone. The Missionaries of Charity teach it to the poorest of the poor.  Those who are illiterate have the same success rate as those who are literate.  You can even be blind and do this method.  

There are no complicated charts or calculations to make- just a daily awareness of what you feel and see and if you want to postpone or achieve pregnancy, at the end of day popping a sticker on a chart. 
Some might ask, can it really be that simple?  The answer is- Yes.

2.     Federal Register, loc. cit.
3.     Infant Homicides Through Contraceptives, 2nd ed., Eternal Life, (1994), p 1.
4.     Ibid., p 2. Ehmann pp 16-17.
5.     The Birth Control Game: Gambling With Life, American Life League / Pharmacists for Life, (866)538-5483, (1990), p 2.